2011 - So Far So Good....

Well this year started off with the culmination of several wonderful "dreams" actually becoming a reality....

I had the great honor and tremendous adventure of spending the first 5 weeks of 2011 in beautiful El Salvador hosting a series of Yoga Retreats. It was an exciting time, a wonderfully heart warming trip and a journey of deep healing and personal reflection. This blog is the result of the questions I found myself asking every day:

"What is truly important in life?"

"What does it really take to live an extraordinary life?"

"Am I happy? If not - why the f**k not!?"

"What needs to change?"

Many people I had the privilege to meet in El Salvador had what would be considered by most of us to be "very little" in terms of their lifestyle, possessions, material wealth. Many had no promise really of a "better future".

 

 Yet, they were the happiest, kindest, and most generous folk I've met in
a looooong time. The hospitality and undeniably amazing customer service was second to none. And for a country with such a tumultuous past who really doesn't have yet a 'Tourism Industry' this was remarkable to experience. I felt almost ashamed at my trepidation before the trip and my fears about whether or not I was going to be 'safe' there. I felt so welcomed and so taken care of it moved me to tears. Often. I am deeply humbled by the wonderful people I met simply for their ability to mirror to me what true honor, respect and enjoyment of life really means. 

So how is it that we are the richest nation in the world and so many of us seem - unhappy, angry, miserable, depressed? I don't get it.

One thing that struck me was the absolute pride the El Salvadorian

 people had in themselves, their families, their life. Simple as it may be - culture there centers around Family and God. People work hard and are grateful for what they have.

And this very thing was the basis of many of my meditations and reflections. I tried to look objectively at my life, the people in it, my goals; and ask myself - is this what I really want? In most cases the answer was Yes. But in a few areas I knew change was needed. One of which was the relationship I have been involved in for the better part of the last 1.5 years. A lovely relationship with a kind and gentle man. But a relationship that seemed hard to move forward with. And really for no more than the simple reason that it just didn't feel right. It felt unbalanced....like I was just carrying too many things that weren't mine to carry. And that heaviness permeated everything until it felt like my lungs were filled with smoke and I could no longer breathe.  I realize now there's something to be said for intuition. Sometimes, the path we're on really just isn't in tune with what we desire our lives to become. Sometimes the people in our lives want us only for the prize we represent or what we can add to their lifestyle or their toolkit of interesting things to talk about.

Upon returning home I am reminded just how selfish we are, as a culture, in North America. And this saddens me a little bit. There is no real sacredness to the relationships in my age group. Everyone is quick to move on, quick to search for the next new and shiny toy that is going to help them 'feel good' or help their lives look like that picture perfect image society says is adequate and 'acceptable'.

Maybe the magic is in the tough times, and finding appreciation and gratitude even in the shadowy nature of change. Maybe it has something to do with looking deeper into your life, and the people in it, and asking "how can i help/be of service?" Instead of so much of "But what am I REALLY getting out of this?"  Maybe the real power is in endurance and having enough balls to look at yourself and what you're adding to the mix. Perhaps jumping on to the next person we think will complete us, or the next internet dating site or the next one night stand isn't the answer. Maybe, just maybe, we can't ALWAYS get what we want, but we'll always get what we need to ultimately develop us into the impeccable human being we are meant to be. 

So, again, I surrender.

The sunshiny warmth of those endless sunny days in El Salvador still warms my heart. But I look optimistically to the future and what the Great Mystery has in store for me. As I collect my things from my former lover's house and neatly stack them back on the shelf, I can't help but wonder - What was THAT all about!?