Being Right.

Human being's need to be right creates a lot of suffering.

Truth is - I'm starting to realize that sometimes there is no "right". It used to annoy me so much when people would use that cliche saying - "Well, it is what it is." Ugh. I would roll my eyes almost every time. But, now, I'm starting to truly understand that sometimes it really IS just what IT IS. No right, no wrong, just perception. Two people can be having what looks like the exact same experience, yet they both come away with totally different re-counts of what should be the "same" thing. Totally different... because each person is seeing it through their own eyes. We are each viewing our lives through our own beliefs, views and  perspectives. So 'Reality' is totally subjective.

A few years ago I went through a very painful time. It was a time of a lot of turmoil and much distress. A true "dark night of the soul". I felt at that time deeply disappointed in a couple of important people in my life. People that I always thought would "be there" for me and that I considered my support system. People who, in retrospect, taught me tremendous lessons by not being there when I needed them and by betraying me in ways I imagined at that time to be "unforgivable". But time heals all wounds and with much reflection I began to realize that I was actually holding on to a lot of stories. Most of which were completely fictitious. I was allowing other people's abusiveness, and need to victimize, dictate how I was feeling. Not only that but I was allowing other people's lack of integrity to affect how I viewed myself. When, in reality much of the situation actually had very little to do with me and more in fact to do with other people's (warped) perceptions of the world and of life.

The moment I actually started to feel detachment for "what happened" was the moment Forgiveness started to percolate and I actually began to feel a million times better. Almost like the poison that was coursing through my veins in the form of: resentment, anger, anguish and depression was suddenly released and I could see clearly again. It was like a heavy heavy burden being lifted off my shoulders. Forgiveness is really like a magic antidote.

The fact is: Human Beings Make Mistakes. They just do. And not just a few of us - ALL of us.

The other fact is: Being Right is simply not always necessary or important. Being happy is. To me, it's the most important thing in life.

Every single ounce of non-forgiveness destroys your body, your health, your mood and  your life. There are a lot of  people who go to incredibly great lengths, wasting colossal amounts of time and energy, and sometimes destroying themselves and their lives, just to be "right". I know a person who is so deeply entrenched in their need to be right about how people from the past have "wronged" them, that that's all they ever talk about. In fact, every time I hear from this person it's more stories about how wrong everyone else is and how right and justified they are. It's positively exhausting. And I've seen how it has depleted them in every way. I've seen how this person would rather engage in fighting and negativity than find ways to release the past and move on. It is so important to be right that it actually seems to run their life! They would rather abuse others than simply forgive. Even though their "rightness" harms themselves and others, they can't seem to (or don't want to) choose to stop. Or perhaps, they simply don't know how. Either way, it is very sad.

So we can beat ourselves and others down by proclaiming "you're nothing...you had no right....you are this or that (horrible thing)....I'm gonna get you back....I'm gonna find a way to win this...." blah blah blah. Or another choice is that if someone is nasty - we simply ignore it. Or, even more radically, we actually send them love. Whoa. Now there's a notion!! That is a choice we are free to make. I mean, really. Ultimately other's need for nastiness is nothing more than their view, their opinion, the result of their "story". Nothing more. At times, of course, protecting ourselves is absolutely necessary. As I've said in the past - being spiritual or forgiving does NOT mean being a doormat. But, engaging in the drama of another's negativity is always a choice.

The path and practice of Yoga is often described as the way to "Enlightenment". To me, enlightenment means a healthy, love-filled way of thinking and living. It means imaging yourself , lovingly, as you wish to be. It is becoming detached, practicing sending love to nasty people, and allowing life to be a joyful adventure. And there's a reason why they call it "a practice" of becoming this way. Because there are times when it requires exactly that - practice, practice, practice. I see things now that used to upset me and I wonder - "how the heck did I ever let that ridiculousness affect me?!". As we learn more about ourselves and our connection to each other , I believe Life and the mysterious universal "Powers That Be" will continuously send us tests. Just to help us see where we're really at, how far we've come, and to give us an opportunity to put into practice all that we are learning. After all - the definition of Insanity has been stated as " Doing the same things over and over and expecting a different result". One day, we're eventually gonna have to let it go!

Enlightenment, or simply learning to live happily, is about practicing new ways of thinking and acting until it becomes habitual. Until it becomes no longer a practice but who we are. Gradually as we learn to send out more love, angry behaviours become less and less natural, less habitual and (hopefully) just disappear altogether.

Because at the end of the day you can be "right"...or you can be happy. The choice is always ours.