What to Do When You Screw Things Up.

If you're reading a blog about Yoga and Love probably it's pretty safe to say that you're interested in living an extraordinary life. Probably you are the type of person who either practices yoga in some form regularly or subscribes, even a little bit, to some of the philosophical ideals of this ancient practice.
Or - it's waaaay past your bedtime and you're still wide awake, looking for something to entertain you. Either way....

With a regular yoga practice, you are continually putting yourself in situations that challenge you. While there, you're attempting to practice cultivating calm, control, joy, even humor, amidst that challenge. If you haven't yet realized it, the yoga practice is designed to assist you with Life. It's designed to offer you the tools, in a very real and experiential way, to allow you to manage yourself, your own neurotic tendencies, and also to manage the multitude of uncomfortable occurrences, button-pressing people and ego inflating (or deflating) situations you may encounter off the mat. A teacher once told me that "People always practice yoga the same way they live their life." It was funny because he told me that when I was straining, unnecessarily, to achieve a very simple posture - eyes bulging, face red, jaw clenched. I noticed my ridiculousness and that little lesson has stayed with me 15 years later.

One of the first things I say to new students is - Be Responsible For Yourself. In class, that means decreasing (or increasing!) the intensity of postures if needed, taking breaks to rest whenever needed, hydrating adequately and not forcing yourself into situations that you aren't physically or mentally ready for. Ideally the practice, much like life, should contain 2 important elements. In Sanskrit those are (as described by the great sage Patanjali) - Sthira (meaning: steadiness, firmness) and Sukha (meaning: gentleness, lightness, softness). So - to master a sequence or a posture we try to find that balance between Steadiness and Softness.

In Life, much like in the yoga class, we may fall flat on our face as we attempt something new. That may happen a hundred times before we actually achieve the desired outcome. Sometimes, even after we've achieved what we've worked hard for, we'll sabotage it, often without even realizing it. Like when I first learned to do a handstand. I was so pumped and exhilarated! Totally blew my mind actually. But I immediately went into excuses in my mind - 'that must've been a fluke', 'did that even just happen?'. It's funny. Because my own self doubt stopped me for weeks from actually achieving the posture comfortably again. Eventually, I just started practicing handstands everywhere. No joke. I still do. Which made the experience less elusive and helped me to become a lot less rigid about achieving it successfully.

This concept of Being Responsible For Yourself extends past the yoga studio and means to be aware enough to know when you may have made a mistake, or offended someone, or was inappropriately sarcastic at the wrong time, or got angry/depressed/scared/momentarily nuts. If your words or actions contribute to you, or someone else, feeling sad, unhappy or hurt - yes, you may have possibly handled that a little differently. And if you do the work now to take full responsibility, you clear yourself from having to keep making that mistake again in the future. So how do you exercise taking full responsibility? Send an email, send flowers, send fruit (probably not all of the above - choose one). Be humble. Be concise. Extend your apology sincerely. Then - Let. It. Go. Unlike on the yoga mat when you're dealing only with yourself, the rules change a little bit out in the world when you're working with/around others. In the very wisest of words from the great author Eckhart Tolle -
"Accept—then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it...This will miraculously transform your whole life."

When working with others, regardless of the nature of the relationship, you are only ever 50% responsible for the goings-on in that interaction. Own your 50% whole heartedly. Apologize if you've made a mistake. Then allow the other 50% to make their own choices. Ultimately, in the words of another great teacher - "You can't screw this up. So stop worrying. It's just Life. You can't screw it up."
This Life is a School of Choices. We make choices. Things happen. Doors open and close, and we keep moving forward. If you don't like the way something feels/looks/is - make different choices. Let more doors open and close. And keep walking forward.