"Become immune to gossip. When another person uses gossip to communicate, they are living in hell by attempting to hurt others. If someone is using gossip to hurt you, remember: If you don't judge yourself, no one else can judge you, and the judgements die in your mind. When you feel comfortable in your truth and are spending your time and energy on yourself, there is no room for gossip. You are too busy creating your own heaven." ~don Jose Ruiz
The funny thing about humans is that we will always prove ourselves right. Whatever the viewpoint is that we hold, we will surround ourselves with people and circumstances that make us right. Much of the time this is done subconsciously. Unless we are a little more evolved, and consciously making an effort to live with awareness. This requires honesty, a ton of courage, and an openness to actually reflect on our actions with a willingness to make changes. Really it's about attempting to live with excellence, reverence and responsibility.
Living with this kind of awareness means having the humility to know that it's not always about you, and your needs, all the time. Most people can't honestly be bothered (to reflect, or take other people's feelings/needs into consideration). They're simply too busy focusing on themselves. So they continue to blame other's for everything that doesn't go right in their life. I guess because it seems easier to do this. If everything is always someone else's fault, you never have to really be responsible for anything. Unfortunately, things are never that simple. Blaming other's for our unhappiness, our insecurities, our failed relationships, our problems, only dis-empowers us and perpetuates a cycle of victim-ness. When you are acting from the place of "victim" there's a pathetic quality to the fact that all you have, all you achieve is done through a subtle form of manipulation. Making other's always feel sorry for you, cater to you in the sense that you somehow need to be "fixed". But where do you fit in to the picture?
The truth is - we all need to be healed in some way. We all have our broken pieces that need to be sensitively and gently handled so that we can learn to put things back together in a way that makes us whole and happy and complete.
We all need support. We need a community of supportive people around us. Trusted friends who are there with loving eyes and an open heart as we support each other through the ups and downs of life. It is so important to our evolution and our general well being to be around people who see us, without judgement, and who are willing to be there even through the tough times when we may not be "at our best". However, sometimes supportive friends may not always agree with your perception or your actions. Part of evolving consciously means being able to take constructive criticism or knowing when to "just say No" when a friend is stuck in a story that is placing blame or dis-empowering themselves or others.
I've spent the majority of this year developing my private practice with yoga clients and hypnotherapy. And what I've learned is that most people have absolutely no idea how powerful they are. Absolutely no idea. Every single word you speak, every thought you think, has tremendous power. Organizing power that actually begins to draw experiences into your life. Literally. So many people are, without even realizing it, living in a world of self-fulfilling prophecies. What you focus on expands. What you constantly talk about also expands. What you expect others to be - they will become. Why? Because we will ultimately always make ourselves right. If you have an idea in your mind that someone is, for example, out to get you, or not being honest with you, or trying to demean you in some way - no matter what that person says or does that's exactly what you will see. Because that's what you're focusing on. You will see that person through the veil of your expectation and they will, literally, become what you expect from them.
On the flip side - when we're in love, or we deeply admire and respect someone, our interactions with them have a very different quality. Instead of being tainted with suspicions we interact from a place of understanding and patience. We focus on the beauty and the things we really like and respect about that person. We feel warm and fuzzy inside with them. We circulate a loving nurturing energy that the other person will, on many levels, pick up on and reciprocate. The whole interaction is very different.
Don't underestimate your own power. Experiment with making a real effort to understand your own triggers. When your buttons get pushed or you feel insecure, go inside and find out what you're really feeling. Are you fearful? What are the thoughts behind your feelings? How realistic and productive are those thoughts? Don't just live by habit. Perpetually repeating the same patterns over and over again. Get to know yourself and notice how much easier life gets when you stop the blame game.
Ultimately you are the architect.